Also the documentation I was writing so far, seemed completely useless to me. Now I feel like my eyes had been opened and it is not useless at all, I just need to put it into the right context, and add another sentence, change the order.  It is crazy that you can have the right intuition, the right thoughts, but if you don’t listen or can’t explain it in the right words, it feels like nonsense to you. Whereas just a tiny little bit of focus, an order, and not the trial to produce something completely perfect, but start with small steps and going on that way can make the same thoughts being brilliant and clear.

Now that I got that enlightenment I am seriously afraid of going to bed and wake up, and everything is gone. I had that several times, that before going to bed, you think you have a great idea, and the next morning, you look at that idea but it is just not as good as you thought. You completely demotivate yourself, and rejects any opportunity to let this idea grow at all.

So what should I do, now that me black and green tea bags are gone, I can’t drink coffee without getting diar… I need to say, I feel a bit like being on drugs, so sleepy and bit in trance but full of ideas now. If someone could stop me falling asleep for the next 48 hours I could finish that thesis I guess.
Well I will just do as much as I can now, still for the next few hours, until it is getting dark. Then I can fall asleep. Still have to get up tomorrow going on with my presentation and documentation. Days are leaving and soon I can count the days for presentation on one hand. My mobile phone calendar reminds me of the colloquium on the idle screen, and I start hating it.

Well maybe it is just that I really need to put myself into timepressure but produce quality and creativity.
Ok next time I just start earlier staying awake over night, and put deadlines as soon as possible. Crazy … but at least it was coming, already thought I would have lost all my creativity and intelligence while doing that damn thesis .

Life goes on.

Well even the German Post saw the advantage of an email when the euro was introduced. The stamps for letters were round down (1,10DM > 55ct) and the stamps for postcards were round up. So email replaced the most letters to friends, offices, family. And postcards will still survive.

But there are still these special letters which need to be send in handwriting, or cant send via email. Although you can attach photos, an email will never be that personal and impressive than a handwritten letter.

I mean for my thesis that’s ok. But hope this is getting better when I start doing my clients work later. Can’t explain 50% surcharge for motivational prework.

ps. can someone please forward to April 16?

Look it up on http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chopping

2nd entry.

But therefore I was working all time, getting some money to pay my bills. Hard life when you are a poor student. Well everything finished now and money saved for March. My flatmate said that I was working like a machine. Kind of.

But now I can go back to my bachelor thesis. The topic is really interesting, and I feel so motivated to do lots of research about it. Ok, I know I should really start the concept and get things done. Start is always the most difficult part of a job.

And to get me back to Middle European Time I went for a swim today, did my 40 labs, so should be tired soon and get back to normal life.

Its really funny that my most productive time is always at night time. No disruptions, no phone calls, no one only in icq, msn or skype. just me and my work that wants to be finished. Feels like I force myself to go into exile. Kind of weird, but it works. Maybe I should just turn off the messengers and phones. But in a way we all like disruptions, and social contact. And the fact that the weather isnt good here anyway, makes no real difference to me to work at night. At least my little pet is awake then and joins me.

Sounds like I am getting a real night owl in the country of work.
In the end it doesnt really matter, when you finish your things, as soon as you get them finished. And the fact that I am not the only night owl makes me feel not so much like a weirdo at all.

Cya next night.
as

People who do others a favour without thinking of their own profit, withouth thinking, well they owe me a favour then. Helpful when its getting difficult, listening when you need to talk - even though it is for one hour about something that doesn’t interest you at all, talking when you need to listen, motivating you when you are down, make you smile when you feel like crying, giving you a big hug when you feel lost, sending you a postcard without any reason, just to tell you that they miss you. You can call them altruistic or self-forgetful or just “selbstlos”. Easy as that.

But still to hard to find them often.
Be happy when you have a hand full.

Thank you all a lot, that you were there for me, during all my happy and all my sad times. Miss you heaps and will never forget these nice moments.

Love As.

had really good one’s in Seoul. it was freezing cold, to eat that cool and fresh fruits, so sweet, so taste, so full of sunny warm feelings, was an unforgettable moment.

so strawberries are great in summertime, when they are fresh picked from the fields, but they can also be great in winter. now i’m hungry for strawberries …

its funny i am best in studying really hard, for weeks or months, no really going out, not much contact to others, and then in the end i am exhausted, no more power, nothing. then its beach time again, swimming, surfing, snorkeling, hanging out with friends, go to barbeques, partying and get wasted.
i can mix both, studying and partying, but when i do my results are just 80% as good. so concentrating on one thing make everything much better. even partying is better, when i have no studying to do.

have finished my last exam, did well, thanks to my good english.
so now its time for the final exam. no more time to waste, need to get started. did my time schedule. and there is some time for sleeping, eating, and some chatting with my best friends, but that’s it for the next weeks.

and after that most intense time studying for me, there will be the beach again, lots of surfing, swimming, diving. can’t wait to be back.

no actually im still swimming now. my coach told me, i need to train at least twice a week.
so went to that chlorine pool on wednesday. just half size long (25m) but i was struggling. salt water lifts you so much up.
but i will go on training. need to get ready for my first 1k ocean swim. well no waves in chlorine pool, but at least its water.
strange thing is just that they heat it. feels like a spa im doing 20 labs in.
if that is not hard training.

ok, guys, gotta study now.
cya in a few weeks

All these destroyed magic moments, that loose of ingenuousness, naivety, innocence and pure friendlyness, made me feel sometimes that I lost the most important thing of my nature. Is being an adult just that you are afraid of opening your feelings, loosing all your reliance in people, forget about the naivety and trust nobody anymore until you are sure that they are trustful? but when does that moment of trust comes, after a months, a year, after an significant moment? we will never now. in the end it’s just a feeling we get, that we would call some people friends, but nobody can tell you that they will ever be your friends. People are changing in life, moving on, thats good, that makes life exciting.

but without that childlike innocence and naivety it is just a hassle. sometimes i wish to be still a child and not becoming older anymore. would be great of not being disappointed anymore. but once i met a guy who told me, you need to go through all this pain and stress on a journey to really appreciate what you get in the end.

I mean not that my life is boring, every day I am going through so many ups and downs, that is 100% rollercoaster life for sure. Made many nice experiences with crazy people, but sometimes you just wanna have a rest. Something to feel save and relaxed. To get yourself calmed down.

Had that for about seven years. It was great, time past by so quickly. But anyway in the end there was just something missing. The way to find myself, what I want, what I need, who I am. Still searching, but getting closer. You just appreciate things when they are gone. But still happy with my decision. Having some freaked out time now to be calm and assiduous once I am old.

Sometimes I think I couldn’t get closer to the edge, and bamm, there it is, the next drama. What I have learned from it - better not think it can’t be worse, until you get the prove. Better relax, go for a swim, enjoy the beach or just listen to some good music. Things will be sorted out by itself.

And when I went through all this, I should write a book about all the weirdos I met, Mr Hey-wake-up-Im-bored, Mr Just-Unique, Mr There-is-nobody-smarter-than-me, Mr Dont-mind-not-to-show-up-for-surfing-at-5am, Mr Just-want-to-be-loved, Mr Criticising-you-makes-me-feel-better, Mr Me-not-on-ego-trip, Mr Watch-my-Weight and many many specials more. Changed all sexes to masculine, for privacy reasons The book will be a bestseller.

And it could solve my money problems.

Move on.
As